TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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