atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
