Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
