Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
