maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
