I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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