Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
