dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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