i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
