glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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