someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
