idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
