Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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