Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
