What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
