Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
