On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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