she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
