Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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