it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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