R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
