His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
