May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
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