So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
be right there i have to get my cape
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize