i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
