on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
