let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
