If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
