I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
