Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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