My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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