i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
