Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
