this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just puked most of my soul out..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
