When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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