i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and she was petting her beer can
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
