he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
