i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
