i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
