i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
