I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
