Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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