we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
