Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
