I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
