JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
