if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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