I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
