ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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