...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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