we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
