She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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