I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
