I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
