fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
