Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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