please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
