Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
