Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
