If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
