I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
