I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
