Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
