I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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