His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
