As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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