She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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