You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
