i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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