Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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