The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
