Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
