I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize