May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
