He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
