i barfeds in our rink
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
