There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
