FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
