we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
