I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
