im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
