I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
