Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
