giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
