Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
