I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
