Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize