you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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