We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
