he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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