So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
