rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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