Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
