i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize