Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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