Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
