I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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