She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
