I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
