MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
