She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
