Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
